Exercises to Avoid with Tarlov Cysts

My Comedic Journey Through Pain and Perspiration

So, there I was, merrily going about my fitness journey, lifting weights, doing burpees, and casually trying to turn my body into a Greek statue. Everything was going great until I started feeling this weird twinge in my lower back. At first, I thought it was just my muscles screaming, “Dude, can we NOT do another set of deadlifts?” But it turned out to be something a little more serious—Tarlov cysts.

I know what you're thinking: “Tarlov what?” Yeah, I had the same reaction. I Googled it, and apparently, they are these little fluid-filled sacs that form around the nerves at the base of your spine. Not to get too medical here, but they are a pain in the… well, back. If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve got one (or a few) of these cysts yourself, or maybe you’re just here for the laughs. Either way, let’s dive into which exercises you should definitely avoid if you’ve got these sneaky cysts lurking around.

Exercises to Avoid with Tarlov Cysts

1. Heavy Deadlifts

Ah, deadlifts—the ultimate ego booster and destroyer of backs. If you’ve got Tarlov cysts, doing heavy deadlifts is like inviting trouble over for a long, painful stay. I remember trying to lift what felt like the entire gym one day. I had my game face on, ready to impress everyone around me. I got the bar up, and snap, crackle, pop! I wasn’t having cereal—my back just decided it was done with this nonsense. 

Trust me, the only thing you’ll lift with Tarlov cysts is the remote to change the channel while you ice your back. Deadlifts put a lot of strain on the spine, and with those little cysts in the way, it’s a recipe for disaster. Stick to lighter weights, or better yet, avoid deadlifts altogether. Your back (and cysts) will thank you.

2. Squats with Heavy Weights

I know, I know—leg day is sacred, and skipping squats feels like a betrayal to the fitness gods. But when it comes to Tarlov cysts, squatting heavy weights is a no-go. I learned this the hard way. After a particularly ambitious squat session, I found myself in a less-than-glamorous position, sprawled out on the gym floor, looking like I’d just fought a bear and lost.

With Tarlov cysts, adding heavy weights while squatting puts pressure on the nerves and can cause serious discomfort. You’re better off sticking to bodyweight squats or, if you’re feeling fancy, some wall sits. Just make sure the wall doesn’t laugh at your struggle.

3. Intense Core Workouts (Especially Crunches)

Listen, I get it. We all want abs that could grate cheese, but crunches are not your friend if you’ve got Tarlov cysts. Every time I tried to do crunches, my back would protest louder than my alarm clock at 5 AM. And trust me, that’s saying something. 

The repeated flexing of the spine during crunches can irritate the cysts and make you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck. Instead, opt for exercises that don’t put direct pressure on the spine, like planks. Your abs will still get a workout, and your back will stay on speaking terms with you.

My Failed Attempts to “Push Through the Pain”

I’m not going to lie—there was a time I thought I could just push through the pain. I mean, I’ve dealt with sore muscles, twisted ankles, and the occasional bruised ego before. How bad could a few Tarlov cysts be, right? Oh, how naive I was. 

I decided to keep doing my usual routine, which included jumping jacks, mountain climbers, and burpees. I figured if I could just keep going, my body would eventually get used to it. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. One day, I tried doing a burpee, and it felt like my back was staging a revolt. I had to take a knee, which in gym terms means I was done for the day. 

That’s when I realized that maybe, just maybe, ignoring the cysts wasn’t the best strategy. It was time to adapt and find exercises that wouldn’t make me feel like my spine was about to explode.

4. High-Impact Cardio (Running, Jumping)

Now, I’m all for a good run. The wind in your face, the freedom, the sheer joy of knowing you’re burning off last night’s pizza—there’s nothing quite like it. But if you have Tarlov cysts, running can feel like repeatedly slamming your spine against a brick wall. I tried running once after my diagnosis, and it felt like my cysts were hosting a rave in my lower back. 

Instead of pounding the pavement, consider low-impact alternatives like cycling or swimming. Yes, you might not look as cool as the marathon runners, but at least you’ll still be able to walk afterward.

5. Yoga Poses That Involve Spinal Flexion or Twisting

I’m a big fan of yoga. It’s calming, it makes you feel zen, and it’s an excuse to wear stretchy pants all day. But not all yoga poses are cyst-friendly. I once tried a deep forward bend, and my back was like, “Nope. Not today.” Spinal flexion and twisting can irritate the cysts and make things worse, so poses like “Downward Dog” and “Reclined Spinal Twist” might be off the table. 

Instead, try poses that keep your spine neutral, like “Mountain Pose” or “Child’s Pose.” And if all else fails, just lie on the mat and pretend you’re meditating. No one will know the difference.

It’s Not the End of the World

So, what did I do after learning that half of my favorite exercises were now on the naughty list? I adapted. I found new ways to stay fit without making my back feel like it was going through a blender. 

I started doing more low-impact exercises, like swimming, which, as it turns out, is great because it makes you feel weightless. I also incorporated more stretching and flexibility exercises that didn’t involve twisting myself into a pretzel. And hey, I even started using those resistance bands everyone’s been talking about. They’re like weights, but less mean to your back.

Final Tips for Managing Tarlov Cysts While Staying Fit

Dealing with Tarlov cysts doesn’t mean you have to give up on fitness altogether. It’s all about finding what works for you. Here are a few tips from someone who’s been there (and survived):

1. Listen to Your Body: If something hurts, stop. I know, I know—no pain, no gain. But trust me, this is not the kind of pain you want to push through.

  

2. Stick to Low-Impact Exercises: Cycling, swimming, and even rowing are great options. They’ll get your heart rate up without making you feel like your back is falling apart.

  

3. Talk to a Physical Therapist: They can help you figure out a routine that keeps you fit and doesn’t irritate the cysts. Plus, they’re great for sharing your fitness war stories with.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Modify: It’s okay if you’re not lifting heavy weights or doing those crazy HIIT workouts. Fitness is personal, and it’s all about what works for your body.

Conclusion

So, there you have it—my humorous take on the exercises to avoid with Tarlov cysts. If you’re dealing with these cysts, remember that you’re not alone, and there are still plenty of ways to stay fit and active. And hey, at least you get a good excuse to avoid burpees, right?